Never too late for New Year’s resolutions.
In my life, I have always been so dependant on others. I have always needed my family, my friends, a significant other to keep me happy. I have also always tried not to be that way, at least when it comes to relying on my family. I don’t want to be a burden, I don’t want to be the pain in the ass. Even as I rely less on my parents, I still rely on my friends and the nagging thought that it is essential for me to have a boyfriend.
I don’t want it anymore.
In the past, I have not done well when the people I’ve become dependant on end up leaving me.
So I’m not saying that I want to shut everyone out by any means. I want to learn to not need them. Sure I want them. But I don’t want to need them anymore. And for those who have left me alone, I certainly don’t want them. And as for a boyfriend? I’m done looking. I don’t want to need one either. If he finds me, then great, but I don’t think that love has anything left for me right now.
The thought of loneliness kills me. The emptiness, the nothingness… it’s frightening and cold. Something I cannot handle. But maybe, if I was more independant, I wouldn’t feel so alone when bad things happen.
That’s why I resolve to be independant. To stand on my own when I need to and to surround myself with good company when I want to.