.:I’m Drowning in the Ashes:.

Well, I guess it’s time for a real blog. I’m long overdue for one. I think the last time I actually updated was about the Breaking Benjamin concert.  And since then there was Christmas, New Year’s, and all sorts of stuff to talk about.  It also just occurred to me that it’s Friday, so I’ll also be posting the Song of the Week.  I’ll probably post a survey or something as well, as it’s one of those boring Friday nights where I have nothing better to do and it doesn’t matter if I find anything to do because it’s getting too late to do it. 

Anyway. 

My Christmas was great.  I spent Christmas Eve at work and then I went to my grandma’s on my mom’s side of the family. My cousins and I played Apples to Apples and Pictionary. We had a good time. My grandma got me a set of fuzzy socks, which I can never get enough of and always seem to lose. She also got me “Howl’s Moving Castle” which I’ve been wanting since I watched with with Daveface and Jake at my house one night.  She got us each a $25 gift card to Best Buy which I ended up spending on the deluxe edition of Lady Gaga’s “The Fame Monster”. I know have all her songs.  I am not sure what it is about her, but she is so catchy, and I actually do like her.  But anyway. The night ended and I was exhausted from work, so I went to bed right away.  Christmas day is always a fun time.  We wake up and open presents together which is amusing because the dog gets to be in the living room with us.  She likes getting new toys. 
The family got a Wii, and we all got the games we wanted for it.  My sister bought me a Deathnote blanket. I was there when she bought it so I opened it first because I was cold.   
Then we spent the rest of the day over at my grandma’s on my dad’s side.  It’s always a good time hanging out with my cousins. 
I now own all of the X-men movies which I’ve loved for awhile but I didn’t have.  I have a new copy of “The Butterfly Effect” which is one of my favorites, but I lost mine. I’m also back on WoW because I have a new time card.  And my sister and I got Rock Band 2 for the Wii which is the reason I haven’t even been on WoW lately, haha. 

New Year’s Eve was a great time.  I got to be with my all my best friends. Well, most of them. 
The next morning was the kind that makes you think “I am never drinking again” even though you probably will…  Oh well. It was mostly worth it.  But really, I don’t think I am going to drink that much again.

Work has been irritating as usual.  But hey, whatever. I’m almost done with school and I can get out of there. 
Wheel of Time has been going well.  I now am putting levels into my prestige class, Wolfsister. 

Other than that, I’ve just been chilling with my friends whenever I can, especially now.  I don’t really want to go into details, and I also don’t want to make myself upset over something that might not even be an issue, but it’s a potential road block.  There’s something standing in the way of me telling the person I like that I like him, because it might not even make a difference now. 

I kind of feel like there’s always something standing in my way.  Not just with this particular person, but when it comes to finding someone in general.  I’m really sick of being screwed over and I’m really sick of seeing couples and thinking “I wish I could have that” and I’m sick of wondering why I don’t deserve it. 
Which brings me to the song of the week.  Gotta love those songs that remind you of what you’re feeling. “My World” by Sick Puppies

Song of the Week


I’m not comin’ back
I’m not gonna react
I’m not doin’ shit for you.
I’m not sittin’ around while you are tearin’ it down around us.
I’m not livin’ a lie while you swim in denial
‘Cause you’re already dead and gone
You leave me out on the curb just like everyone else before you.

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.
Another lesson burned
And I’m drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world

I don’t care what you think I’m not seeing a shrink.
I’m not doing this again.
I’m not another student or a mother to take your shit out on
So let’s see what you got, let’s see what you’re not
And what ever else you pretend
You’ve defended my intentions long enough

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.

Another lesson burned
And I’m drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world

So here I am again.
In the middle of the end.
And the choice I wish I made
I always make too late

Welcome to my world
Where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone.
Another lesson burned
And I’m drowning in the ashes
Kicking
Screaming
Welcome to my world.

My world
My world (welcome to my world)
My world
My world (welcome to my world)
My world
Welcome baby.


Survey time.

What happened last night?
Chilled with my nerds.

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
Just a couple

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
I guess so. I only smoke when I’m stressed or if I’m drinking… so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I did.

Do you think things will change in the next 3 months?
I hope so

Would you go out with someone right now if they asked?
With a certain someone yes

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
I dunno

Ever stayed up all night on the phone?
Not all night, no.

Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
He is my big brother

Will you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend in 6 months?
I dunno.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone on your top friends?
Why yes.  And we even switched stuffed animals in our sleep.

Does anyone regularly – other than family – tell you they love you?
Mhm my friends

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
Mhm

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Nah. I’m cool just chilling by myself.

What are you listening to?
“Your Arms” by Janus

Where did your last hug take place?
in a car haha

Are you happy?
Not currently

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
I have a hard time believing it.

Do you think you could live without a cell phone?
Probably not

Do you think high school relationships can last?
Yes they can

Is any part of you sad at all?
mhm

Are you disappointed in anyone right now?
nah

Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $150?
I might, but for mooore than that. 

Last person you had a conversation with on the phone?
Um? My mom I think

Want someone back in your life?
I think I’m good actually.  I want someone to stay in my life, if that makes sense.

How are you feeling at this moment?
Kinda bored.

What ruined your day today?
The fact that I didn’t wake up until 2pm. 

Have you cried this week at all?
Yeah

Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of someone?
Not anymore.

Are you drunk?
No

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
Jammies

Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
No, I didn’t work today haha

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 10 days?
I hugged people yesterday, so yes.

If someone wanted to tell you how they felt, would you listen?
Yus

Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or forehead?
A cheek

What’s the last thing you heard out loud?
“This Disaster” by New Found Glory playing right now. 

Where will you be 2 hours from now?
I’m thinkin, in bed.

Last person to text you?
Daveface

Do you have strange dreams?
I do.

What was the last song you sang out loud?
“Frozen” by Within Temptation

What’s the time?
9:17pm 

Will this Friday be a good one?
This is Friday. And it was boring.


Also, I thought I’d be nice and share this with you… this is probably the only time that you’ll see it.  I was bored and all.  So this is me, no make-up, no hair straightener, no Photoshop. Simply Jessi:

I think I look like I’m 12. And that my hair looks better when I straighten it. 

But anyway…
Busy weekend ahead.  Tomorrow I’m working til 2, then I’ll stop by Miss Lizzy’s shindig before heading over to Pat and Griffin’s show with Kels and Tara.  Should be fun, except for the 5th-wheely-ness.

Sunday, I work til 3 then off to Wheel of Time. 

Well, I think that outta cover it.  Oh yeah, and I’m listening to “Hopeless” by Breaking Benjamin in which they say “welcome to the game” so yeah. You just lost.

Enjoy your weekend
♥Jessi Michelle

One thought on “.:I’m Drowning in the Ashes:.

  1. Tebor says:

    Awww, I think you look plenty beautiful and you definitely don’t look 12.And it sounds like you’ve been having quite a good life. It’s nice when you stick all the good moments together and subtract the work! Everything just sounds better. And don’t think you don’t have someone because you don’t deserve love, that’s absurd. Of course you do! I understand that obstacles stand in our way, but there’s always problems. There’s always reasons to wait or put it off. But you have to push through it.I was finally able to start asking people out when I started setting dates for everything. When I asked out the girl last June, I decided like a week ahead of time to do it on Tuesday. By chance or fate, that worked out perfect — to ask her out, I mean… Not the success of the act. I technically meant to ask out Heather this weekend, but because I hinted at it early in the week for prep of it, it came to a head a day sooner. That’s how I’m able to do it at least. But it’s not really the best system in the world…

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