Brain, Y U Do Dis?

Have you ever been super worried about something? Like with the stomach in knots, and that pinchy crying feeling in your nose, and that heavy feeling in your chest, almost as if  your heart was just going to jump up into your throat? Does that worried feeling ever become too much to the point where you just break down and start crying? And I’m not talking a little stream of tears. I’m talking gasping sobs that seem to go on forever.

If you’ve ever felt that worried or upset about something, then you know the feeling I have. Everyone probably experiences that from time to time, probably from something tragic or devastating.

I find it so very exhausting that I experience this sort of feeling over nothing at all.

I have to go to work in the morning? Here’s some nerves.
I left my hair dryer plugged in and walked out the door? More nerves.
I had a conversation with someone that I wish went differently? I know, let’s let that fester all day long.
My boyfriend is late coming home from work? Obviously he’s been in an accident. Let’s worry, shall we.

I hate this. I hate it so much. And I feel like it’s worse and worse every day. I always thought my fast food job was to blame for a lot of the anxiety I’ve been feeling over the last few years. But it hasn’t gotten better since I started my new job. In fact, I feel that’s gotten much worse.

I don’t know if it’s the instability of having a new job when there’s obviously bills to be paid or the fact that I have to do way more driving then I’ve ever been comfortable with… or a combination of all sorts of things leading up to this pressure, but there it is.

I like this job. I really, really like this job. I don’t want this anxiety to overcome me and make me lose it. Because seriously, leaving my old job was one of the best things that could ever happen to me. I really want this, but I want all this nauseating fear to just go away.

I don’t know. I’m typing this all up after I’ve taken a couple Valerian, and I’m starting to feel sleepy…

I don’t know what this post is even going to accomplish.

But stuff.

I don’t even want to outro.



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