Weird Dream

I’m always interested in what dreams mean. I truly believe many of them have some sort of psychological reasoning behind them. True, sometimes a dream is just a dream. But sometimes I feel like it has a meaning.

I had a strange dream last night. I don’t remember it front to back, but I remember being with a group somewhere. Camping, I think. I was there with some people I don’t recognize in my waking life, but I guess in the dream they were my friends. My sister was there with me too. And then for some reason we all needed to leave abruptly. Then we were suddenly off in different directions. I don’t remember much in between but at one point I was wandering in some sort of hallway. I saw a little girl (very young, like 4 or 5) enter the room/hallway thing and look around. She looked very focused, like she was looking for something and when she sees me her eyes light up like she finally found whatever it was she was looking for.  She runs up and hugs me, and I have no idea who she is. “Are you Jessica,” she asks me. I tell her I am and she replies, “I’m Angela. Come on, I know where your sister is.”  (My sister’s given name is Angela, but she likes to be called Kai.)

And then she leads me to what looks like a classroom and there’s only like two or three people sitting at the desks. One of them being my sister, who’s asleep sprawled over the desk.

After that I just remember being in a car with her and some of our friends again, but we’re all talking in hushed tones and just overall acting like we’re avoiding or running from something.

That’s it. It’s all I can remember.

I just feel like that little girl having the same name as my sister has some sort of meaning. I have no idea.

Weird, huh?

Thanks for reading. If you liked my post hit follow to geek out with me every week! And you can follow me on Twitter: @softlysaturated
-J

Trapped.

Previous Posts

Jessamine Mason Introductions

Jessamine Mason – Volumancer


Trapped. There was no way out, no other way to put it. The word “trapped” spun around in Jessa’s head like a mantra. She’d never seen anything so bizarre in her life. These… people, holding her here. They look like people, anyway. Except not a single one of them has opened their eyes. But they seem to see her. They seem to be looking right at her. They walked toward her with ease, as if they could see perfectly even though their eyes were shut. More of them entered the room, speaking softly to one another. But Jessa couldn’t make out the words. She tugged at the ropes around her wrists, to no avail, wondering how they tied her up in the first place. One moment she was running away and the next she was tied up in this room. How?
All of them were walking toward her now, none of them opening their eyes. She opened her mouth to scream.

Jessa sat straight up in her bed and screamed… “That stupid dream again,” she sighed.  She felt around the dark room for her Spieluhr and earbuds. A light piano drifted into her ears and soothed her as she slowly fell back to sleep.

*

Thanks for reading. If you liked my post hit follow to geek out with me every week! And you can follow me on Twitter: @softlysaturated
-J

Jessamine Mason – Volumancer

So I wrote kind of an introduction to this a few days ago.  Also, you should know.. Spieluhr is German for “Musicbox” which I decided was a name brand mp3 player like an iPod or Zune. Anyway, here it is.


Jessa pulled the hood up on her sweatshirt, turned up the volume of her Spieluhr and walked out of the building and into the rain. There was no sign of bad weather earlier in the day or she would have taken her car to class. Her clothes would soon be soaked adding laundry to the list of things to do tonight. “Luckily my dorm isn’t too far from here” she thought as she made her way home.

When she arrived to her room she checked the time. 8:30. If she got started on her homework now she might be able to go to bed at a decent hour.

After changing into sweatpants, pulling her long hair back, and heating up some leftovers, she plugged her Spieluhr into it’s dock and examined it.

Her Spieluhr was the best present her family ever gave her. They couldn’t afford to send her to college. But Jessa always talked about how everyone had an mp3 player so they saved up for the best one they could find, the name brand Spieluhr. It was able to hold 30,000 songs and it was in her favorite color, blue. They gave it to her when she saved enough money to go to school as a going away present. They even paid a little extra to have it engraved: “Jessamine Eloise Mason, we love you”.

She cringed. She hated her middle name. “Sounds so old fashioned,” she would always say.

Still, she loved her Spieluhr. It reminded her of home. She often felt lonely living in the dorm at school on her own.

“Time to get to work.” She chose a quiet album and started her homework.

The music usually helped her concentrate and it drowned out the sound of the wind, thunder, and rain so she could focus on her work.

But as the night went on, it felt like she wasn’t getting anything done. The storm grew worse and seemingly louder by the minute. The constant chatter of freshman floormates began to distract her. Following the deafening roar of thunder, Jessa, frustrated, threw her hands over her ears and screamed, “STOP!”

To her surprise, she heard nothing. The storm was silenced. There was no sound coming from the hallway. Even the music from the speakers ceased. Confused, she ran to the window and looked outside. Rain was still pouring down and lightning was still flashing. But this storm made no sound.

*

Yeah I know it ends rather abruptly.  But it’s all I had.

Thanks for reading. If you liked my post hit follow to geek out with me every week!

-J

This week’s post – a sneak peek.

I’ve decided that my main goal will be to post my content of interest every Friday.  I already have this week’s idea but I feel like it requires a little bit of explanation.

If you’ve read my about section before today (when I changed it) and saw my photos from the fair, you’d put 2 and 2 together and know that I used a fake name on here.

The name I used was Jessamine Mason and that’s not my name. Jessamine is a character I came up with a few years ago based on a Dungeons and Dragons class that one of my friends made up called the “Volumancer”. The concept of this class is that an individual can manipulate sound and basically attack with music or sound.  My friend created this class based on my absolute adoration for music.

So anyway, Jessamine is a Volumancer. But in a way I feel that Jessamine is also sort of an alter ego of mine. Or more specifically an extension of  myself. She is more or less the person I wish I could be.  So when I came up with that character I decided I would create a series of short stories about her adventures. The only one I ever wrote is the night she discovers her powers. I never ended up writing anything else but I’m hoping that this blog will inspire me to come up with more stories about her in the future.

So for this Friday I will be posting the first short story in her series. Since I’m not too keen on sharing my writing, this is kind of a big deal for me. Especially since I kept this one mainly private because it felt weird that I thought of this character as an alter ego. But I’m going to share it anyway.

So see ya Friday!

-J

Spooky

Yesterday, when I got home from work I took a nap because I wasn’t feeling well.  This was a fairly long nap too.  During said nap, I had a really strange dream.  It actually woke me up with a start because it was just so weird.

When I was a kid, my family had a mobile home in Indiana that we would visit for a week at a time or every weekend or so during the summer.  My aunt and uncle and cousins always went camping at a campground nearby and our grandmother had (and still has) a mobile home in the same park.  She still goes there for a month at a time over the summer.  Basically, it was like a summer home.  We sold it around the time we sold the trailer we were living in so we can buy the house we live in now. 
It was a really small trailer with a screen house surrounding it. The trailer itself was only big enough for us to sleep in really.  It had a little stove and bathroom too.  But we spent most of the time in the screen house, where we had the dining table set up.  In that area, there was a storage room.  We put mostly crap there, but we would also put our dog Mandy in there when the family came over to visit because she was kind of aggressive at times.  Now, Mandy was put to sleep when I was in high school.  So she’s been gone for several years now. 

In my dream, my parents, my sister and I went back to trailer in Indiana. I suppose the person who bought it sold it back to us or something like that.  And other family members came to visit too. We were all hanging out in the screen house.  I was sitting at the table when I heard a whining noise coming from the storage room. Sounded a lot like a dog, but we didn’t bring Bonnie with us.  So I opened the door, and Mandy came running out. She ran right past everyone in the room and then vanished suddenly.  When I exclaimed, no one else believed me. No one saw her but me. 

Like I said, strange. 

Come to think of it, it might have been around this time that we lost her.  I actually don’t really remember. I believe it was March or April. 

I miss her still, at times.  It’s silly yes, but she was a part of my life when I was just three years old.  Letting her go was very hard on the family. 
It makes sense I would still dream about her. 
I just wonder why my dream made it seem like I was crazy. I mean, it was a dream after all.  Why didn’t everyone else see her run from that room and then vanish?  Why was it just me?

♥Jessi Michelle

.:Just Freak Out, Let it Go:.

I decided to be a little impatient and take out my helix piercing early.  They said 8 to 12 weeks for healing time.  It’s been about 8 weeks. I was going to wait the whole 12, but I really wanted to wear the cute hoop I bought for it and it looks like it’s been healing well. 

The hoop is almost impossible to close in the back… so I guess that was pointless. I decided on just a clear ball stud I had.  Oh well. Lesson learned.

I get to back to the person who pierced my tragus at the end of this month so she can take the captive bead ring out.  I’m not as anxious about that because I never bought any new jewelry for that one.  The dilemma here is, I really like the captive bead rings.  But you can’t take those out without piercing pliers.  Which I don’t have, nor do I have the knowledge of how to use them properly.  And I like to change my earrings often. Granted, I’ll probably change that one less often, but I would like jewelry that I can remove myself.  I guess I’ll be wearing studs there for awhile. Or maybe a horseshoe barbell. 

Anyway.  I ramble.

Yesterday I was thinking about recent situations and for some reason I was convinced that “Mike” said exactly what I said he would in something I wrote.  So I looked through my freewriting notebook for it.  I had found it here on my laptop but it was the revised version that Bob helped me write.  (Bob is “Rob” from my first honesty blog, I’ll admit)  I finally found it in my notebook but I was wrong, it wasn’t exact.  I continued flipping through my notebook only to realize that some of the stuff I wrote was not all that bad. It’s not good. But it’s definitely not bad.  On deviantart, a website that I am a member of, there was a 100 themes project going around.  I kind of wanted to be a part of it. So I took a notebook and wrote the name of each theme at the top of each page.  I use the rest of the pages for whatever else.  Anyway, I used to freewrite about some of the themes.  I stopped writing because I don’t think I’m all that good and my heart isn’t in it anymore.  But I think I want to start filling up the pages again. 

I want to post some of the good, or at least decent, ones. 

First, here’s the one I was talking about that Bob helped me write, and it is the revised version not the original (there’s not too much of a difference).   It doesn’t have a date on it, but I know it’s several years old.  It’s about three separate men who were in my life at the time.  The first one being “Tom”, the second one was a creep who was convince he loved me after just three weeks, and the last one was “Mike”. 

**
Theme #17 – Questioning.
“Anonymity”
There’s so much I’d want to say
if I could stand to say it:

“I still love you,
I feel like I need you,
and I hate you for making me feel this way”

So what’s stopping me?
The fear of what you‘d say:

“Get out of my life, I am happy now without you. 
Leaving you was not a mistake;
I don’t need you.”

There’s so much I’d want to say
if I could stand to say it:

“This won’t work,
I feel like you’re suffocating me,
and I hate you for making me feel this way.”

So what’s stopping me?
The fear of what you‘d say:

“I’m meaningless now, I can’t live without you. 
I want to die;
Just kill me, why don’t you.”

There’s so much I’d want to say
if I could stand to say it:

“Could this ever work,
I feel like I like you,
and I hate you for making me feel this way. 

So what’s stopping me?
The fear of what you‘d say:

“That’s nice to say, but you’re just a friend
I don’t like you that way;
I have a girlfriend.”
**
And now the others.
**
Theme #4 – Light (12/7/06)
Light my dark path.
I am in need.
Light my dark path.
I want Your help.
Light my dark path. 
Show me You’re here…
for me.
Only Your light can save me…
from my dark path.
Only You can save me
from the person I have become.
The person without a faith.
Wandering in the dark.
Light my way with Your Word.
Light my way with Your Touch.
Give me Your Light. 
**
Theme #7 – Break Away (12/8/06)
Going to break away from you.
You’ll never let me breathe.
Have to break away from you.
You won’t let me leave.
I want to break away from you.
I have to learn to fly.
Need to break away from you.
You keep me from my sky. 
Break.
Away.
Break Away.
Away from you.
Away from this.
Break.
Run.
Flee.
Break Away.
Don’t close me in.
**
Theme #31 – Under The Rain
Under the fall of steady rain,
the black and white roses grow.
The thorns cause so much pain.
But I’ll never let it show.
There’s no color in this place.
I only see shades of gray.
This is the eternal chase,
that everything will be technicolor one day.
**
Theme #39 – Abandoned
Forever engraved in my heart;
never will you be forgotten.
Always deep in my thoughts.
Not to be let go.
**
Theme #44 – Dying
What a beautiful homicide.
What a wonderful murder.
You killed me so perfectly this time.
My heart won’t break if it has stopped beating.
My lungs won’t be so heavy, if I have stopped breathing.
**
Theme #70 – Annoyance
A jealous women.
An indifferent man.
The undeserving pair.
**
Theme #81 – Words
And these are the letters that I write.
These are the thoughts I think.
These are the words I speak.
(They don’t mean anything)
Scribbled on paper,
Or locked in my head.
And spoken aloud to others. 
But the don’t mean anything…
**
Theme #92 Drowning (12/8/06)
Why would you let me drown?
I thought you were my lifesaver.
(At least you said you were)
But now I’m drowning. Where are you now?
You are nowhere to be found.
Sinking.
Falling.
Lungs filling.
But you are not
saving
me.
Where is the surface?
I can’t reach it without your help.
But you will let me sink.
Just as all the others would.
I thought you were different.
I
was
wrong.
**

Now, I am well aware of how emo most of these are.  I have never once been able to write a happy poem.  The happiest one I’ve written mentions some sad themes.  It’s weird.  I can easily write about pain or sadness.  But happiness… nope. Ha. I’m a freak.  I’m also well aware that some of them seem unfinished.  That’s because they are.  Especially theme #70.  I was just kind of annoyed that “Tom” and “Amy” were together even though they were so wrong for each other, so I wrote that down but it didn’t go any further. 

Well anyway, I am going to bed in a bit. 

Have a good night.

♥Jessi Michelle

.:Let Me Belong Here, Break My Fall:.

Here’s some random updates. 

On neighbors.

Yesterday after I was released from my JavaScript class and I called my mom so I can talk to her for a bit on the drive home.  Suddenly she tells me that an ambulance pulled up to our street.  They stopped at our next-door-neighbors’ house, Bob and Maureen.  These are the neighbors we do like.  I guess Maureen was having stomach problems.  But she is okay now. 
Now, for the neighbors we don’t like. On the other side of us.  They have two driveways.  Two. So, why, just tell me why, when they have company, they park in MY spot????  Seriously? Someone is getting their car keyed soon if they don’t move their ass.  Probably doesn’t seem like a big deal to you.  But I just got home from class. I want to change into my jammies and chill before bed.  But now I can’t.  Because I had to park in the driveway instead of my spot on the street. So now I am blocking my dad, who will need to leave for work later.  So therefore, I have to wait so I can move for him.  All because some inconsiderate fuckwads can’t tell their damn guests that it’s okay to park in one of their TWO fucking driveways rather than their neighbor’s spot.  It happens a lot, on top of all the other problems the hooligans that live there cause. 

On classes.

I started to fall behind a little, but I think I’ve caught up now.  JavaScript is still kind of a pain in the ass. But the teacher changed our assignments and now it’s a bit easier. I’m glad. Because otherwise, I’d still be stuck.  Database Design is going well for me. I missed an assignment because of the Lacuna Coil concert, but the teacher just assigned extra credit, so that will help. 

Not that anyone cares about that. Moving on.

On RPG.

I had a blast at the last Wheel of Time session.  Spunk texted me telling me that he’s going to give my character the option of becoming a wolf brother. He was telling me about this, and it sounds bad ass so I dig it.  I can’t use it yet, but he said he’ll start working it into the story.  I’m really getting into the story.  I might even read the series to become more familiar with what’s happening in game.

It will be awhile before I get to that. Which brings me to…

On reading.

I am currently reading a book that “Buelah” suggested called The Girls. It is a story about conjoined twins.  It sounded really good when she told me about it.  I checked it out awhile ago.  It’s due in only 5 more days and I haven’t gotten very far. I’ve been busy with work, schook, RP, TACS, homework, and whatever else.  I’ll have tons of free time tomorrow.  Hopefully I won’t take forever to clean my room and I’ll have time to read.  I also checked out a book called Top 8.  It’s based on a Myspace-like internet site.  A teenage girl goes on vacation and comes back to find that her profile has been hacked. Really the only reason why I checked it out is because at the beginning of each chapter it has the “current song” thing that blogs have and such… and one of the songs was “The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows” by Brand New, I noticed as I was flipping through it.  Since Brand New is hardly ever mentioned by anyone, I was excited.  I probably won’t even get to read that, the way things are going.  I don’t like to renew books.

On writing.

The Volumancer background story is coming along.  There’s only a few things I’m still trying to decide on, but it’s getting there.  Daveface had this cool idea of building a Talent Tree (WoW reference there) for the character.  When I finish the story, I want to check that out. 

On music. ♥

So here’s the best part of the post, at least in my opinion.  I have four tickets to Breaking Benjamin!!!!  It doesn’t really require any more explaination than that, I don’t think. 

On surveys.

Thought you could get away from these things?  Haha.  I posted it last though, so you can choose to skip over it and go straight to my farewell if they bore you.


Would you ever want to serve in iraq?
Not really

Do you watch true life? if so, what’s your favorite episode?
Once in awhile. I really liked “I support my family” or whatever. That girl named Unique who had to take care of her siblings after her mother’s suicide.  Very good one. 

Have you ever heard of Sufjan Stevens?
No…

Do you own a pair of blue converse?
Anope.

Do you eat cinnamon waffles a lot?
No. I like waffles. I’m a strawberry or blueberry fan though. 

When did you last go to outback steakhouse?
God, forever ago.

Do you love penguins or what?
They’re okay.

What is your middle name?
Michelle

Do you know anyone with a really weird name? if so, what is it?
Ummm.. no I don’t think I do.

Are the majority of the hangers in your closet plastic or metal?
Um. Metal? I think… I don’t remember.

Where do you keep all of your jewelry?
In my jewelry box

If you could play any instrument, which would it be?
Guitar

Do you hope that tomorrow’s like today?
Not really.

Do you thrive on confrontation?
Nope.

Isn’t it annoying when girls are constantly hitting on your boyfriend?
Yup.

Ever tried halls fruit breezers?
I think so.

Is your mom into photography?
Nope.

Ever watched an episode of Lost?
No

Do crime shows scare you?
Not really.

What is the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked?
I don’t know

Would you rather your lover have no hair at all or be a sasquatch below the waist?
Um.  I believe this question is the answer to the above one.  And I have no earthly idea how to answer it. 

Did you know that it’s really offensive when you say “that’s so gay” about something that you don’t like?
Apparently.  I don’t think it’s offensive, even if I was gay. But whatever.

Is Joel Madden attractive?
Oh snap. I used to love the Madden twins. Yeah Joel is hot but Benji is hotter. 

Have you ever heard a song mash-up? Did you like it?
Yeah. I’m subscribed to someone on here actually, who does that. Some of them are really cool.

If you had to choose between being a garden gnome or a gargoyle, which would you be?
gargoyle. No questions.

Do you know the original Hunchback of Notre Dame story?
Yes.  And that is also my favorite Disney movie, which has nothing to do with it anyway.

Do you actually read the featured blogs on Xanga?
Ha. I took this survey from Myspace. I love that it mentions Xanga.  And yes, I do. Some of them.

Do you care to share your thoughts on Twitter?
I don’t use Twitter.

Have you ever gone walking around looking for flowers?
No

How was the last party you went to?
It was cool

Do you ever babysit? Are the kids wild?
I did.  I never had wild kids, thankfully.

Have you seen the movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Did you like it?
Haven’t seen it

Whats the last thing you spent money on?
Fritos.

Have you ever caught a tadpole?
Once, a long time ago?

Do you know the difference between a joint and a blunt?
There’s a difference?

What kind of dog would you get if you could choose any breed?
Border Collie! (don’t tell my Bonnie)

Would you ever move to a different country then your own?
Sure why not.

Have you ever made a music playlist?
Oh… yes.

Do you do it for the hood?
Um…. … what?

What does most of your money go towards?
Muuuusic. Or food.

Do you like to decorate?
Sure.

What are your bedroom colors?
green and white.  

Have you ever done anything sexual in exchange for something?
no

How long is your longest relationship?
*Was*  3 years.

Can you name all the people you’ve been with?
“Been with”  Do you mean sex?  If so, just one.  And no, I will NOT name him.

How often do you listen to rap?
Rarely.


Yup. I think I’m done for tonight.  It’s already Wednesday and I have no thoughts on a song for Friday.  If no one comes up with one, it will probably be some random Breaking Benjamin song that I decide on. I’ve been listening to my entire collection of their songs on shuffle non-stop since I found out about the concert.  Anyway. Leave comments, suggest a song.  Other than that, enjoy the rest of your week.

♥Jessi Michelle